Man’s First Love

Anthony Aravind

Published on


“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife” – Prince Philip

For a long time it has been debated as to what is a man’s first love; His car or his wife? Every man can decide for himself. Truth is car or wife, if not taken care of, both will send you off the cliff.

Recently, I was catching up with a friend over a cup of coffee, and he started telling me about his married life. Showing me his wedding ring he said, ‘This, my friend, is the world’s smallest handcuff’ and I knew it was my cue to wear my counselling glasses and start exploring. He didn’t seem worried while talking about this and that stood out for me. On asking why he called his wedding ring the world’s smallest handcuff, he said ‘no marriage can exist without petty fights and misunderstandings’ and that he understood it at the early stages of his marriage. In the four-year journey of his wedded life he understood what a marriage is made of.

The moment one can understand that these misunderstandings and disagreements are inevitable in a marriage, the way they are in any relationship, it helps the person learn how to handle them. Most individuals try to probe deeper, decipher the reason for the disagreements and misunderstandings. But the truth is, one may even go to the grave trying. Let’s face it, it is about two unique individuals coming together to say ‘I Do’. It is a voluntary decision that is made keeping in mind all the individual differences. Once this is understood, the act of working towards building a stronger relationship gets easier.

After two coffees my friend smiled and said, “ Don’t let a third party in your marriage. They say, ‘In India when you marry, you marry the entire clan, not just the bride or groom’, hence it makes it that much easier for the third, fourth or fifth party to decide for you and your wife. Surprisingly, no help is aided from them when your marriage is falling apart. More often than not, the ones who decide for you, are enjoying the show. It’s not too late to kick them out through the window and take charge of your family.” For my part, I was just a listener, understanding the need of my friend to share his problems with someone he trusted.

Someone once said, “Being in love means never having to say you’re sorry”. I don’t necessarily agree with this. The going might get tough when least expected, it always catches you off guard and even before you realize you’ve hit rock bottom. But always learn to work as a team. Let go of your ego, accept the differences, set your priorities right, understand and keep your boundaries; and you will certainly rediscover love, redefine relationship, rekindle romance, and best of all refurbish marriage.

Let marriage be a journey, where it’s not only the destination that matters but each day is as important too.