Healthy Separation for Healthy Living

healtheminds

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Fifteen years ago Diana called her brother and sister in law to her house and told them that she wanted a divorce. She told them that she couldn’t live with a man who’d verbally abuse her in front of their son, one who didn’t know his responsibilities as a father. She was in love with him for five years before they got married but sadly life had taken this unexpected turn for her.

Her family was in shock, and no one was ready to accept what was happening, they kept pestering her to “deal with the marriage” because of their son, but she stood strong on her decision and told everyone that she didn’t need a husband to take care of them.

Diana wasn’t sure if she took the right decision, but she was definitely sure that she was not going to look back. It was difficult for her but she managed. She never asked for help because she believed that she could do it if she only tried hard enough.

For ten years she stayed alone with her son, who was her biggest support. Diana faced a lot of difficulties in those ten years, and her biggest barrier was to convince her mother that she could manage without her husband’s support. She wanted her family to know that she could be an independent woman and that she did not want to be in a conflictual relationship.

She mentioned that she was tired of all the fights, that there was no emotional support and that she was tired of adjusting. Yes, she wanted a secured life with her husband but she chose to have a happy and independent life with her son.

Even through all her struggles as a single parent she never gave up and kept moving forward. She made every effort to strengthen her bond with her son, and today they stand inseparable.

Diana got divorced after 10 years of living separately, and the day it happened her son asked her to get married as he didn’t want her to stay alone anymore. She had no words; she was confused, she did not know if she would be able to do it but she was happy knowing that her son was always there for her. She had the support that she always needed, despite all the difficulties.

Sometimes in such cases we don’t know what to do, we are confused. We don’t know if what we are doing is right and we fear getting support from our family and friends.

Here are a few tips that could be helpful if you or someone you know is going through something similar.

  • Accept the present situation and try to analyse what went wrong in the relationship.
  • Going through separation or a divorce can be very overwhelming, turn to your family, friends, support groups for the help and support because taking care of yourself is the most important thing that is required.
  • The end of marriage leads to a barrage of emotions but try not to think about the separation as the end. Sit down with your spouse and communicate well about how to go about it, talking to a counsellor may help you reach out to a conclusion without any further conflicts.
  • Divorce can be an emotionally disturbing experience for children, it is always helpful if the parents come up with a plan and present it to the children. Be open with them because they prefer having honest conversations about the changes in the family. It is important for the parents to focus more on children’s feeling and not let their feelings come in between.
  • Divorce is a hard time for the entire family. A counsellor will help the family to adjust to the changes and also help them think about went wrong.
  • Set a goal for future. Sometimes divorce can be devastating but it is important to try to think positively.

Do not feel ashamed because of the social stigma attached to divorce, hiding will only make matters worse. Life is not like a Bollywood love story and happily ever afters. However, we can make life what we want it to be if we learn to take control of our lives and seek help when needed.